A. The question is, do you want an attorney? Some participants elect to retain an attorney to consult with during the divorce mediation process; usually between mediation sessions. The participant may use the attorney to ask questions, bounce ideas off of, and clarify the legal issues. At the end of the mediation process, and prior to signing a Separation Agreement, you may have an attorney review the document and provide feedback. Ultimately, the choice is yours: some people retain an attorney, some do not.

A: No. If I serve as a mediator, I am a neutral professional. Although I am an attorney, I am not representing either one of you as an attorney, but serving as a neutral facilitator to help you reach an agreement. Because I am also an attorney, however, I will be able to prepare and file your Separation Agreement for you, if you so desire, without you having to hire an outside attorney to do so.

A. No. The only requirement for a successful mediation is an honest desire to discuss the issues. Often, the couple does not agree on all issues to be resolved. As long as you are open to having the discussion, you can successfully mediate.

A. The average total cost of mediation will vary depending upon the level of agreement or disagreement between the parties, the complexity of the issues involved, and how long the agreement takes to complete. The average cost of a litigated divorce in New York is almost always going to be several times higher than the cost of a mediated divorce. The “emotional costs” of a litigated divorce can also be staggering, whereas mediation strives to make the process as constructive as possible. Mediation seeks to reduce the stress involved in a divorce, and not exacerbate it (as too often happens in the adversarial system).

A. The couple has at least two choices: 1) get divorced right away by one party signing an affidavit that the relationship has “irretrievably broken down for a period of six months or more” (commonly referred to as the “no fault” option), or 2) seek a legal separation and wait to finalize the divorce until a future date. In either case, an attorney will need to draft the Separation Agreement, which can then be presented to the court with the divorce papers.

A. Mediation is not counseling. Mediation may help the couple to improve their communication, listening and problem-solving skills, but mediation is not a substitute for marital counseling.

A. Mediation is voluntary; the process is not binding and either party may stop mediation at any point short of signing the Separation Agreement, which once signed is a valid and binding contract. Often it is effective for one spouse to offer to pay for one mediation session, to allow the other spouse to ask questions and see for themselves if they wish to proceed rather than resort to litigation.

A. It is always possible to call “time out” and request a general extension of time for settlement discussions to take place. The parties may participate in mediation, and retain their attorneys to consult with, review documents prior to signing the same, and to finish the divorce once the mediation process is completed.

A. Once the parties have reached an agreement on all issues and signed a Separation Agreement, the Separation Agreement is a valid and binding contract. Usually, parties who complete mediation have created an agreement which truly represents their decisions on the issues, so enforcement is not a problem. People respect and honor agreements which are made voluntarily. In litigation, it is not uncommon after a lengthy divorce for parties to continue fighting by each bringing actions for violations or changes to the Judgment of Divorce.